Forever Cursed
by DefyingFate
Summary: Two cases that looked seemingly unrelated. JJ's past comes back to haunt her; a mysterious man looks to send her a message through murders. Meanwhile, the team receives a case that will forever haunt them. JJ/Reid centric, may include romance later on.


**Disclaimer; **I do not own Criminal Minds; it belongs to the producers and geniuses over there at CBS. If I owned the show, JJ and Prentiss would still be around.

This is my first fanfiction, so yeah. Stories actually more interesting than the summary makes it seem to be. This will come together in time, and as stated in the summary, it's JJ/Reid centric. R&R please. =]

.**forever**cursed

**chapter **_one_ – **eternal nightmare**

"**What we remember from childhood we remember forever – permanent ghosts, stamped, inked, imprinted, eternally seen." - ****Cynthia Ozick. **

Jennifer Jareau considered herself to be a strong, independent woman. She always tried so desperately not to let her emotions get the best of her. To be a federal agent, as she was, you had to keep your emotions intact. You had to be poised, collected and not let those criminals... those _Unsubs_ that seemed to plague every single location on God's green earth, get into your mind and control you as if you were some sort of puppet. This job destroyed people, and left them forever scarred. This job was not meant for the weak; it would almost... torment you your every waking moment.

JJ knew this, she knew this all too well witnessing her friends, those she cared for wither away under the enormous pressure of this profession. Jason Gideon, Elle Greenaway, she saw them being driven almost to the brink of _madness,_ where abdicating this job, this burden.. seemed to be the only solution. JJ knew this very well, and therefore, the mask she wore specifically for this profession.. the mask that hid her true feelings, her true thoughts, her true emotions, must not be chipped let alone shattered. She wouldn't let herself be exposed to these criminals.. to these _vermins. _JJ wouldn't be weak; she wouldn't let the fear that came with being in these dangerous situations consume her.

Because of this, all of her deepest, darkest secrets remained locked within the confines of her mind. All of those traumatizing events that she had to endure in her childhood would be sealed away, never to reach the surface. This was her secret and her secret alone. She chose to keep it this way; she didn't want to face the pain again. She didn't want, no, she _refused_ to face that pain that made her feel so weak, so helpless. It felt like a lifetime until she was able to repress those memories that haunted her every night and day and soon.. it became nothing more than a simple task. She handled it so well, with such expertise that it allowed her mind to focus solely on the matter at hand when she was in the field. It was her job; whatever problems she had in her personal life had to be pushed aside for the good of the team, for the task at hand.. apprehend the Unsub.

Now, however, with this recent case, what once used to be such a basic task now seemed so difficult. This particular case, it hit closer to home for the young liaison. It was as if the the realization of an incident she longed to forget hit her. It was as if she was experiencing it all over again, and the memory that remained locked within her mind threatened to spill to the surface. Like all the past Unsubs, she hated this one too. But this time, the hate reached a whole other level. He was so sick, so disturbed, so _evil._ His kills were done in a calm, meticulous manner. He enjoyed being in control; he enjoyed the fear and terror in his victim's eyes. He relished the look in their eyes when the realization set in that they were going to die.. and die by his hands.

Nicholas Alexey, a thirty year old born and raised in Moscow, Russia, but moved to the United States when he was merely seven. His victims of choice were young girls, no older than ten or eleven years old. He tortured them without remorse and when they would finally die from the beatings they endured every day, he would merely dispose of the body. He saw his killings as some sort of sick game, where he would always be able to maintain control. It had taken them nearly two weeks before they were able to track him down and by then, his body count stood at twenty-five. Twenty-five young.. defenseless girls. They had a full life ahead of them, and he snatched it from their grips without thoughts of the consequences or the people he would hurt. They had barely saved Nicholas' last victim; a few minutes later, and she would have been dead..

_JJ's heart wrenched as she heard the cries of the tortured child, locked somewhere within this run-down house. Without a second to spare, she quickly fastened the dark blue FBI bullet proof vest against her curvacious frame. Again with the same swift motion as before, she loaded her assigned handgun before looking towards her boss, BAU Unit Chief Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner, awaiting his orders. Hotch merely nodded to his team before herself, Hotch, Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, David Rossi, and Spencer Reid approached the house._

_Without a moment's hesitation, Morgan kicked the door down before the team rushed their way in as Morgan cried out, "Nicholas Alexey, FBI!"_

_The house was dark with the only source of light being the blue and red flashing emitted from the many police cars parked on the outside. The stench of dried blood and dead bodies quickly filled the team's nostrils as JJ crinkled her nose with repulse. While the house may be still and muted now, the team knew full well that Alexey and his victim were hiding in here somewhere. The team quickly split up with one team of Hotch, Prentiss, and Rossi checking the living room and kitchen of the place with Morgan, JJ, and Reid cautiously walking down a narrow hallway. They made sure to check every door along the way before their attention turned to the lone door at the very end._

_The team slowly approached it before Morgan reached out the hand that didn't have the handgun, grasping the doorknob and twisting it, before it leisurely flew open. The sight inside made JJ's eyes widen just a tad before anger quickly filled her. Alexley was crouched beside the girl; his knife was just mere inches from her chest. He slowly turned his head to the side to look at the agents, his eyes wild with a sadistic smirk forming on his lips._

"_How nice of you to join me agents." He quietly said, with his slight Russian accent._

_Morgan approached the lunatic with his weapon raised, his cold eyes glaring at Alexey. Alexey simply eyed him, having no fear of what the FBI agent could do. _

"_I wouldn't take another step if I were you; you know, I can easily end her misery now."_

"_Put the knife down, Alexey. It's over." Morgan ordered, choosing not to react to the criminal's earlier statement._

_With the wicked smirk, still plastered on his face, Alexey shook his head. Part of him wondered if the FBI Agent knew what he was capable of. If this was indeed the end, he was going to go out with one more body count to his name. Alexey didn't fear death because in fact, he welcomed it._

"_I'm afraid I can't do that, agent. You see, it would ruin my game." He chuckled, while uttering those words._

_Morgan clenched his weapon tightly, glaring menacingly at Alexey. He couldn't describe the hatred he had for this man at the very moment. It was with every word uttered from that psychopath that made his blood boil._

"_This isn't a game, Alexey. This is a child's life we're talking about! I'm not going to ask you again; put the knife down, __**now.**__" Morgan demanded, his voice louder and commanding towards the end._

"_I'm sorry, agent." JJ watched, weapon drawn, as his attention turned back to the young girl on the ground, still unconscious as when they first laid eyes on her. Alexey took a glance between the weapon drawn agents and the girl on the ground and with one swift motion, he arched the knife into a striking position and brought it down.._

_One gunshot echoing throughout the house.._

_The sounds of Hotch, Rossi, and Prentiss scurrying their way down the hallway.._

_The knife dropped to the ground with a clink and it's wielder, Nicholas Alexey, crumples to the floor with crimson red blood oozing from his head. It was over; the girl was safe. One gunshot from Morgan was enough to kill the savage individual - another criminal off the streets for good._

_JJ let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. Her heart pounded fiercely at her chest as a soft hand reached out and touched her shoulder. She involuntarily flinched and the hand immediately withdrew. She looked behind her, catching the gaze of Reid; his face was furrowed with concern for his close friend._

_She shot him a small smile, albeit, a bit forced but it was a smile nonetheless. "I'm fine." She said softly before approaching the fallen girl and checking on her wounds._

She had said that she was fine. However, this was a complete lie. But why lie to the people who loved and supported her, who treated her as if she was family? She didn't want to explain herself; she didn't want to recount that horrific event. The emotional trauma, she couldn't handle it in that situation especially with the recent actions of Alexey. While she knew that keeping feelings bottled up inside wasn't good in the long run, what choice did she have? Besides, this has been what she was doing for years. It took all her will power to keep calm when she saw the bruised and battered young girl. It took every ounce of strength not to let her emotions get the best of her.

This case took a toll on her. She couldn't imagine what the parent and loved ones of the child were going through right there and then. Part of her didn't want to imagine that pain; she didn't know what she would have done if Alexey had set his sights on young boys too. Henry, her youngest child meant so much to her; he was her whole life. It was heart wrenching enough for her to leave him back at home while she chased down criminals with the team. She worried for him dearly, even if she knew he was safe with Will. She couldn't help it; it was just her motherly instincts.

The plane ride home was no better. The case had bothered the team more than most, indeed, but it had the most impact on JJ. While they all drifted off to sleep, every time she closed her eyes, she saw the bodies of the dead girls and the incessant memory once again threatened to spill. Every time she closed her eyes, the image _Henry's _dead body plagued her mind.

_The plane ride was taking too long. She longed for it to land so she could quickly get home and check on Henry, as if it could ease her mind of the images that plagued it. She clenched and unclenched her fists as she looked to the outside. The sky was getting darker by the moment now and it would be a matter of time until the sun sunk into the horizon. The team was nodding off, even Hotch himself who seemed more tired and irritable lately, was sleeping soundly. She, however, couldn't give in to the temptations. She didn't want to wake up screaming, followed by the subsequent questioning of the team members. _

_Her mind was elsewhere, and she payed no attention to her surroundings. She didn't notice Spencer Reid take a seat beside her. Reid was still worried, it wasn't that he didn't believe that JJ was fine, but she seemed more shaken about this particular case than she has with any other. She was a bit pale, and she still seemed to be trembling. _

"_Um, JJ?" His voice was soft laced with exhaustion from the case. She didn't move; she didn't reply have not heard him. Reid put a hand on her shoulder and gently shook her, while repeating her name again. _

_It was only then that JJ broke out of her trance. She was thinking of too many things at once letting her mind run free. She barely felt an arm on her shoulder before she was broke free of her thought process. She blinked in surprise to see young the doctor next to her._

"_Oh, I'm sorry Spence. I didn't see you there." She offered a small smile as Reid relaxed into the seat._

"_JJ, are you okay? You're a bit pale; do you want me to get you some water or anything?" Reid asked, his voice still laced with concern. JJ found it cute, the amount of concern he would show for her whenever he sensed something was wrong. _

"_No, thanks. It's alright; I'm fine. I'm just a little tired." JJ replied, shaking her head a tad. Again, she let a genuine smile form on her lips, even though it didn't quite reach her eyes, as if this could somehow ease Reid's concern just a bit. _

_Reid nodded slightly, and the two sat in silence before he broke it once more. "Look JJ, um, you know that you can tell me anything, right? _

_JJ's eyes widened a bit at how forward Reid was being. Spencer Reid wasn't one to show his true feelings, in fact, he often seemed rather closed off from the rest of the team. Reid was a confusing individual; she hadn't the slightest clue what he was thinking at the moment._

"_Of course, Spence, and I appreciate that. But I don't want you to worry, I'm fine." JJ reminded him once more. She appreciated that Reid looked out for her but she just couldn't let herself be open for him, nor anybody else on the team, even the bubbly technical analyst Penelope Garcia. _

_Reid nodded, taking the answer for now. However, the unmistakable feeling that JJ was struggling with some invisible unknown load on her shoulders remained present. The two sat together in companionable silence for the rest of the trip._

JJ was in bed now, lost in a deep slumber. By the time she had gotten home that night, she physically exhausted and out of it. She merely climbed into the soft warm bed before drifting off into another world. The sky was littered with stars as the moon shown brilliantly, illuminating a portion of her bedroom. The chill night air blew through the opened windows often making the blinds flutter around. It was peaceful and serene, but JJ's slumber however, was far from peaceful. She continually tossed and turned and her face was furrowed with a hint of fear.

She lied next to her boyfriend and father of her child, Will LaMontagne Jr. His mouth was slightly agape, him as well lost in the dream world, oblivious to what was going on with his lover. JJ moaned softly in her sleep; she was reliving her worst memory now.

_Eleven year old Jennifer Jareau had just gotten home from another grueling day of school. She didn't really enjoy school all that much, but the fact that she could see her friends made up for it. She slowly walked up the path to her house, her blonde hair tied back into a pony tail and her eyes looked dull and a bit glazed back. However, that all changed as she caught sight of something from the corner of her eyes. She almost squealed in delight as her face lit up._

_A beautiful golden butterfly was fluttering aimlessly in her backyard, that was visible from the driveway. She immediately ran to the back to observe the alluring creature fluttering around a couple of small white flowers. She was always fascinated by butterflies; something about them just drew her to the creatures. She enjoyed collecting them, but having just gotten home from school, she was just too tired to chase after it. Sitting from afar observing it did just fine. _

_However, the peaceful silence was shattered from a loud ear-piercing scream come from inside her house. Her sister, Jess, just three years older than her looked to have been home before her. JJ's heart began to pound faster as she immediately rose from the grass and ran to a window to look inside. From there, she felt paralyzed with fear. Jess was indeed home, but someone was there as well. A man, well built muscular frame and a five o'clock shadow, was behind her sister, his arm around her neck. She was struggling, gasping for breath, kicking away trying to make his hold loosen on her._

_It was of no use, however. She tried to scream, but not a sound would come out. JJ was frozen still, terror gripped her heart and she felt almost light headed. She knew she had to save her; she had to get help from a nearby neighbor, flag down a car, anything. But she couldn't, she could only stand still in silent horror as her sister's life faded away. She felt tears sting at her eyes.. Her sister was growing weak, and gradually, she grew completely limp. The man knew what he had done, but remorse was not there. He quickly glanced around the house, not noticing the young girl standing outside. _

_His mind was working, trying to crank up some sort of idea to make it look like an accident. And there it was, from the corner of his eyes he saw a thick white rope. He grabbed it, a smirk on venomous lips as his gaze returned to the girl. JJ saw him with the rope, but she could look no further. She sank to the grass, her tiny frame shook with silent sobs. _

_Her parents had returned later that day and she could provide no answers. She could only cry, drowned in the tears of sorrow. She wanted to just disappear and float in nothingness for the rest of her life. It was too much, too much for her to handle. The police had a ruled it a suicide.. a **suicide. **She knew otherwise but she just couldn't bring herself to tell them. She wanted to so badly, yearned to tell someone the truth. But fear still consumed her causing her to shy away when someone questioned her about the event. It ashamed her, how weak she could be, and she only wished that memory would go away.._

JJ awoke with a jolt, immediately sitting straight up. Beads of sweat rolled down her forehead and on to her cheeks. She breathed heavily; the memory hadn't haunted her in her sleep for years. It was still forever carved in her mind but she hadn't dreamed about it since the Tobias Hankel case. Will stirred in his sleep and he slowly opened his eyes.

"JJ? Are you alright?" He asked in his southern accent. Will was still in a haze of sleep but he could tell something was wrong with his girlfriend.

JJ shook her head, throwing both her legs off the bed and standing up. "No, no, don't worry about it. Just go back to bed, hun." With that, she slowly walked to the door, opening it, and slipping out into the shrouded hallway.


End file.
